CONCEPTS

When we haven’t seen someone in a long time,
we have the chance to form new impressions.
This seems to happen most when they no longer
fit our concept of them.

My 18 year-old son lives with me, so I don’t have
the benefit of time lapses. Yet he still seems to
grow and change in abrupt stages, like a dancer in
a strobe light or time-lapse photographs. It’s as
though I periodically update my concept of him
and then experience the concept of him, rather than
him, until the mismatch becomes great enough
for a revision.

A few days ago, I had lunch where he works. For
some reason, I found myself observing him as though
I didn’t know him - like he was just some kid behind
the counter. I thought that this person was a little
taller than my son and more socially skilled. I
noticed that the awkwardness of adolescence was
nearly gone. I observed a handsome, competent
young man. I had to revise my concept.

I wondered then, how hard it must be to be a kid,
with parents who are always behind the times;
who see them as less capable, less knowledgeable,
less than they are. Then I thought about how
our concepts of everyone around us create subtle
expectations. The result is surely a feeling of
never being truly appreciated, of never being
‘right’.

I invite you to pretend that you don’t know someone
close to you and see what happens.