ATTRACTION

Psychologists tell us that we are attracted to people
who fit an internal image that was formed in childhood,
made up of a mish-mash of the important people in our
young lives. They say that we have the deep urge to
repeat situations until we can ‘get them right’. So, if
someone had a parent who was emotionally distant,
they may find themselves attracted to emotionally distant
people repeatedly.  Abusive relationships also fit this scheme.
It’s no wonder that people commonly say, “Love sucks!”

But there is another side to it, I think. Thich Nhat Hanh,
the Vietnamese Buddhist Monk, writes of falling in
love with a Buddhist Nun as a young man. He describes
how the attraction was the expression of the many things
he had loved previously – how even the fact that she
was a Nun was part of why he was attracted. She
represented his love of the monastic life, his love of
simplicity, his love of beauty and of a quiet spirit. Of
course, their vows required that they not become a
couple – but the vows in no way diminished the feelings
of warmth and gratitude and openness to one another.

As we look for love in another person, it would be helpful
to develop a deep love for the many things that present
themselves to us.  In the same way we love the crisp
air of dawn, we will love a person with a fresh outlook. 
As we appreciate the loyalty of a dog, we will recognize it
when it arrives in a person. As we love the laughing brook,
we will love a person whose spirit dances.

In moments of deep appreciation, we develop the ability
to recognize and feel at home with the qualities that are dear.